my love story

falling in love is a great feeling
knowing that someone will be by your side
and you being by the other person's side is a wonderful thing

i too had loved someone but my love was, is, and maybe will be only one sided

i saw her only once a week, on sundays at church
she was very kind and had a very outgoing personality
she was a type of a person that had infinite amount of energy
she was a dancer, member of her school dance team (never found out how good she was)
she was also a great singer
she was everything a guy can ask from a girl and she was single

unfortunately i thought she was too perfect and that she wouldnt date a guy like me
it was my lack of self esteem and confidence that lead to my own doom

i was in junior year in high school when i first noticed her and when i first noticed that i had fallen in love with her
she was there and might have been signaling that she liked me back but i was blind and stupid to see the signal

i didnt see the signals, she might have given 200% of her effort but it was useless against me, my thick skull blocked all the signals and efforts she was presenting to me
later i would commit a great sin that sin is
breaking her heart

i didnt see the sign so i didnt know she liked me, it might sound like an excuse but its true
i asked her about another girl
"hey i like this girl you know, do you know if she has a bf?"
she answered me "yes she does, sorry"
i made a bad move
i deserved to be bitch slapped till my face fell of my head
i deserved the most painful method of dying
i left a deep scar in her heart

after this i lost all communications with her
she didnt respond to my comments on myspace/facebook
and she stopped coming out to church for awhile

few months later i was thinking back in my life
and thought about her actions
i decided to ask people about my situation online at sites like yahoo answers
i told people about a girl i liked but thought she was too good for me
i also told them about her behavior after and before the incident
i asked for advices
i was desperate
i wanted to know the answer the to question
"did she have feelings for me?"

results came in really fast
total of 15 answers 4 were bullshit answers
11 out of 11 answers said she had feelings for me
5 of them told me to try confessing my love to her
2 told me to move on
4 did not give me any advice

i did not believe this
she like me, i liked her
yet i screwed up
and because of my stupidity someone else had to pay the price

"11 people cant be wrong right?"
i asked myself numerous times

not being able to face this truth
i became very depressed
i thought about suicide
i hated this cruel twist of faith
my heart ached every time i heard a love song
or watched a tv show with happy couple(s)
"is this love?"
"this is too painful"
"i give up, i will never love someone else ever again"
these are few thoughts that came up in my confused mind

holding my aching heart
every night i prayed that time would some how rewind to that day i broke her heart
so i can prevent myself from breaking her heart

its been a year since the day i broke her heart
she seems to have moved on
she is still single
i still havent found out if she had feelings for me or not
i think about her everyday
hating myself for not having the courage to tell her "i love you"
and for making the wrong choice

my perfect girl, if you read this
just know that i loved you, love you, and will love you
and i am sorry for all the things i did to hurt you
it wasnt intentional
please forgive me and my stupidity

i wish i can say
"if you loved me or still have feelings for me, forget them and make happy memories with a guy who can take good care of you"
but i am not yet ready

i am sorry